An open letter to the nutsack that pulled a hit and run on my car: (Originally from 05/08/2006)

Dearest Operator of Said Automobile,

Thanks for the good time today! I'm pleased as punch that you hit the back left of my car. Nothing has brought me greater joy than looking at my car today and realising that my bumper was smoked by you in your fucking mom's 1984 Dodge Caravan outside of New City on Saturday, May 6th, 2006. Now while your insurance may go up if you report this, I don't mind footing the bill for your fucktardation, so don't worry about it I'll manage somehow. And if you don't think you did damage, your dead wrong fuckass. The bumper will need refinishing and that will run me about $1000. (I know, I did the same to someone else's bumper, but I didn't run like a pussy) Now while I wanted to spend that $1000 on cool shit like food and rent, I really am glad that you did this to save me from spending my money frivously.

Editors Note: "mom's 1984 Dodge Caravan outside of New City on Saturday, May 6th, 2006" <----------- Pretty sure this is when it happened because I'm neurotic about inspecting my car.

There's a place to drive and a place to fuck off. And your driving right down the middle of FUCK-OFF!

Yours Truly,

Darren Theodore Helbrecht esq.

ps. Take a picture of your face now and send it to your mom, cause when I find you she'll want to remember what you looked liked alive.